Smile!

Nothing to say. This picture says it all. THIS is what makes all of it worthwhile.

Crying

I'm slowly learning the difference between real crying and what I call "fussing." Real crying tells me of a need - hunger, a diaper in need of a change, reassurance and contact with Mom. Fussing isn't a need. Fussing happens when she is tired, or cranky. If she's fussing and I put her in her swing with some music and white noise, she will go to sleep within 15 minutes. Generally. If she's cranky, I can usually distract her and get her smiling again.

Learning the difference is the hard part. I don't want to ignore her needs, but I also don't want to feed her every time she cries, for example. It sets a bad example (eat to solve your problems) and it doesn't fix the real problem. I also need the practice in saying "No" to my strong willed child.

I don't want to let her "just cry." If she's crying, I need to solve the problem. If she's fussing however, that I can live with for a bit.

I think she's waking up; the mid day nap may be over for today. This afternoon's adventure is grocery shopping.

Rites of Passage

I've been thinking about those tough early days. One night I was walking around the house carrying her and crying, which was pretty normal for then. I had the tv on for noise, and a show came on about rites of passage around the world.

Rites such as this mark important transitions in a person's life in many cultures around the world. They have a few common elements:

1. Isolation - the person is isolated from society, for varying lengths of time. This gives them time to think about the change in their status and the increased responsibilities that come with it.

2. Pain/bloodshed - in many cultures, some part of the ritual involves enduring pain, whether tattooing, ritual scarring, circumcisions, etc.

3. Special diet - for one reason or another, often a special diet is included, to purify the body, to prepare for the upcoming trials, etc.

4. Special clothing - again, either for practical reasons or to mark the person as being in the transitional stage, the stage in between the old status and the new.

5. Re-introduction - the person is formally welcomed back into society as a member of their new social status.

I realized that night that I was undergoing a rite of passage. The terrible isolation I had been feeling was suddenly a bit easier to handle. The pain of childbirth I had already accepted as a necessary and pivotal part of my new status as Mother. The maternity clothes, the by now hated maternity clothes, that I was still wearing didn't bother me *quite* as much.

And unlike many people, I had a baby shower AFTER the baby arrived. It was the first time all three of us - father, mother and child - had appeared in public as a family group. It was my re-introduction phase.

Our society has largely abandoned rites of passage, and I feel we are poorer for it. Marking important transitional periods in a person's life can have quite an impact, and reinforce their growth as a person. I plan to celebrate certain events in my daughter's life with simple rites, within our own family for some and others, like a Sweet Sixteen with others outside of the family.

And someday, maybe I'll help her through the transition from Woman to Mother.

3 Months

I can't believe it's been 3 months already! Things have changed so much since the early days.

She's starting to develop a schedule. It's not concrete yet, but it will happen. She's gone from being awake at all hours to sleeping reliably from 8pm-ish to 8am-ish. Not straight through, of course. The longest she usually sleeps is 3 hours. But now that she's sleeping in the bed next to me, instead of on my chest as I'm propped up on the couch, I'm getting more and better sleep.

She holds on to me when she's nursing, and she looks at me, too. Actually she looks at me all the time, and smiles at me while I'm looking back. It's an incredibly cute, shy smile that turns into a grin.

She's turning into a person, her own separate little person, with likes and dislikes and wants, not just needs. She's going to be a very strong willed person, so we're going to have our work cut out for us, in keeping her on the Light side of the Force.

She's learning that there is a world outside of her own body. She loves to be outside, looking at the trees and birds. She's distinguishing between people, and she's not as happy at being with strangers. Although she seems to get along well with her caregiver, which makes me feel better. I am dreading April 12.

There were definitely days when I couldn't even imagine making it to this point. I definitely like 3 months better than the first few weeks. She used to be a chysalis, but now the butterfly is emerging. I'm looking forward to getting to know more of her as a person.

To all the mothers with a dirty home

I found this online:

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

- Ruth Hulbert Hamilton

Baby Sling Recall

Yes, I know about the recall. No this is NOT the type of sling that I use - I use a Maya Wrap ring sling, and when that's being washed, a Baby Bjorn carrier that we received as a baby shower gift. I do know how to use my sling safely. The Tiny Overlord INSISTS on being able to see everything that's going on around her, so I've never used the position that has caused the problems. Here are the positions I carry her in:





So as you can see, both of the carry positions I use are VASTLY different than the problematic carry position. The way I carry Summer isn't even possible in the sling that's being recalled.

My heart truly, truly goes out to the families that have had problems with the other slings. I've cried about it a lot over the past few days.

So please, don't send me links, notices, articles, etc. I use a different type of sling, I use it safely, I use it differently and I really, really don't need to cry any more over this. I appreciate people trying to spread the word; it definitely needs to be done. But not all slings are dangerous, just as not all strollers are dangerous, even though there are approx. 10,000 stroller related injuries every year.

If you DO know someone who is using the Infantino or Wendy Bellisimo slings, please let them know about the recall.

Bad Night

Yesterday the Adorable Aristocrat and I had a good day. She slept late for her mid day nap, so we missed an appointment with her caregiver, but other than that, things went very well. When Minion #2 (Daddy) arrived home, all of us went for a walk in the nice weather (spring is finally arriving!). When we got home, Her Adorableness got a little cranky, so Minion #2 made dinner while I attended to the Aristocrat's needs. We minions ate in shifts, as we often do.

This was not enough to please Her Aristocracy. We minions moved on to not just holding her, but walking with her, then bouncing, carrying her in her sling and trying a pacifier. None of it worked. She even refused to nurse, which is VERY unusual for her.

It's VERY early for her to be teething, but she's showing many of the signs so we gave her a teething ring to chew on. This satisfied her for a short while and then this too was rejected. She disapproved of the sling, as well. Chewing on our fingers was acceptable for a short period of time. I finally gave her some infant Tylenol, hoping to help ease some of the pain that I thought she might be feeling.

After two and a half hours, we gave her a bath, as it was the only thing we hadn't tried and she likes her baths. She was fine as soon as she realized that we were preparing her bath, and she enjoyed herself during it, but once it was over, the crying resumed. After another half hour, which brought us up to three hours total, I took her temperature. It was 100.4, which was exactly the temperature at which the doctors want to be called for infants 3 months and under.

A nurse and I talked for a while, trying to figure out what was wrong. She asked if I had eaten Chinese food recently, and I had - Tuesday's dinner. The nurse said the MSG can really upset the tummies of babies with acid reflux and to give her Mylanta. I'm not certain if our take out uses MSG but we went with the Mylanta just in case. It took two tries to convince the Adorable Aristocrat that yes, she really should swallow this yucky liquid, but it seemed to help a bit.

She finally fell asleep in my arms, with me bouncing her and both of her minions making her favorite white noise, a gentle Shhhhhh sound. By this time it was midnight. Minion #2, who had to work today, was sent off to bed after he arranged some pillows so I could sleep propped up, holding the Tiny Overlord in my arms.

She woke up at 2am and fussed for a short while, but then she nursed and seemed to feel better. She feel back asleep in my arms until 4:30. She nursed again and this time I was able to put her into her swing so I could get some more water and use the restroom. She slept in the swing until 6am, when I took her back on the couch for more nursing. Minion #2 gave us both a kiss on his way to work at 8am, but she slept through it. She and I slept on the couch until 10am.

So far today she's nursed normally and woke up with smiles and was a happy baby from 10 until 11:30 when she got tired. I put her in her swing when she was still awake and she fell asleep. So far she's been asleep for 3 hours. I figure if she still has a touch of whatever was bothering her last night, it's best for her to sleep it off. She also tends to sleep a lot on rainy days. She's dreaming and moving her arms around and being her usual noisy self while she's sleeping. This is completely normal for her so I'm encouraged, and hoping that she's feeling better and will be back to normal.

But only time will tell what tonight will hold for us.