My Labor Experience

The first thing I want to say is, it's impossible to plan for something you've never experienced. Also, it's useless to fully plan out an experience that you aren't in control of. I never had an elaborate birth plan. I knew I wanted to walk as much as possible to speed things up. I was open to an epidural but not sure if I wanted one, so I planned to wait for a while. I wanted to push naturally with the contractions instead of relying on artificial counting. I wanted to go through early labor at home. That was about it.

Well, none of that happened. After a false alarm (I'll have to tell that story later) I went past my due date. 5 days later we went to the doctor's office for another check up. My parents were in town, so we met them for breakfast (I insisted) at a little diner, then headed off to the appointment with plans for the afternoon with the parents and my brother.

Instead the doctor said that my amniotic fluid was low. This was not an emergency at all, but it was a sign that the placenta was starting to degrade. There was nothing to be gained by waiting, so she sent us off to the hospital. We arrived and were in our room by noon. I hadn't started contractions yet and we were already at the hospital.

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WARNING: POSSIBLE TMI ALERT. Details of labor and delivery! I'm writing this mostly as a journal for myself; feel free not to read it. Or if you want to read detail about a particular labor and delivery, carry on.

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They had to ripen my cervix before they could start the contractions. So from noon on I had two monitors around my belly but other than that I could do what I wanted. The doctor had said not to eat but the nurses said that since I was nowhere near delivery it would be okay and they brought me dinner. Yay nurses! We also started watching the movies I had brought - Lord of the Rings Extended Edition, the entire trilogy. **grins**

Around 9 or 10 things had finally progressed to the point that they could give me Pitocin to start the contractions. Well they started alright, 2 minutes apart. They weren't strong enough to deliver, but they were close enough that I wasn't getting any rest. I knew that we were hours and hours and hours away from having the baby, and I didn't want to be exhausted when it came time to push, so I asked for an epidural. It made a huge difference and I was able to sleep. The only problem was that I now was confined to the bed. No walking and no eating. Grrrrr.

The next morning both families arrived. We visited for a bit and I was in good spirits, other than being grumpy about missing breakfast. After a bit the doctors came in to check me and I kicked the families out. For the most part, the day went slowly but well. Steve tried to eat something while sitting behind me, but I heard the crinkling of the plastic and the crunching and kicked him out until he was finished.

We did have a bit excitement. I called the nurse's station for some reason. They answered and everything was fine. Then another station answered. I explained that my nurse had already been called and was on her way. Then a third station answered, as my nurse was arriving and I explained the situation. Then a fourth at the same time as another nurse and a doctor arrived. About the time the fifth station answered, a full emergency team of nurses and doctors came running into my room. It seems that my button was stuck and was dialing every station on the floor. Attempting to reset it, the original nurses' station turned it off. This turned it into a Code Blue and it sent out an emergency signal. Luckily everyone quickly figured out what was going on and laughed about it. But the only fix we could find was to completely turn off my button. The nurses station was literally right across the hallway from my L&D room and I had Steve with me, so it was no big deal.

Later that day I sent Steve to go give an update to the parents. They kept him for almost an hour, asking him questions. Meanwhile I was alone in a room with no way to call a nurse. Poor Steve, when he got back I was a little peeved. He apologized, I apologized and everything turned out okay.

Towards late afternoon, my labor seemed to stall. We went 2 hours with no change, then another, then another. There was a shift change and the new doctor was the one I had seen for almost all of my pre-natal visits. We had a good relationship so I was happy to see her. We discussed the fact that we hadn't seen any progression in 3 or 4 hours, and decided that if I hadn't made any more progress that we were going to move to a C-section. She left to prep the OR, and they took blood from me to run some tests and get me ready for surgery. The midwife checked me just to be sure and surprise! She looked up and said "Every thing is ready. You're going to have this baby - it's time to start pushing."

We went through a few different positions for pushing and settled on my being on my side, because it seemed to stress the baby the least. I was proud of myself for not cussing out anyone **grins** and I only yelled at the midwife twice.

After about two hours, though, there was more talk of a C-section. I hadn't made much progress in my pushing. I don't remember it, but my husband says that was when I really started pushing. I made more progress in the next 20 minutes than I had over the past two hours. Unfortunately, the baby's heartrate was starting to raise uncomfortably high with each contraction. There was again talk of an emergency C-section, when the midwife made a judgement call. She performed an episiotomy and got the baby out. I heard her cry, and it was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. I had a daughter now.

24 Hours

midnight time to nurse. Have only slept for two hours so far tonight.

1am So tired; child won't sleep. let's try bouncing

2am time to nurse

3am bouncy chair not working; let's try walking. So tired I'm crying

4am time to nurse - child is not cooperative. I finally reach my limit of frustration. Have to put child down before anger takes hold and get husband to help. I go cry.

5am Finally child is asleep and so am I

6am time to nurse

7am child is asleep; I can't get to sleep **sighs** husband makes me instant oatmeal

8am time to nurse

9am spend time playing with child; one of those wonderful moments

10am time to nurse

11am call potential child care provider; take shower

noon eat lunch standing next to table while nursing child in sling. change diaper, adjust straps on child seat, start driving

1pm meet with child care provider

2pm still talking

3pm drive to school to pick up paperwork, show child to coworkers, nurse

4pm drive home, child is asleep, I get to nap!

5pm husband comes home at 5:30; more napping

6pm child wakes up and nurses, we have fun making faces at each other

7pm husband makes dinner; child is calm in bouncy chair

8pm tired child; husband and I are finally able to get her to sleep

9pm time to nurse. Afterwards, I head upstairs and husband takes child. I put in ear plugs and fall asleep on a sleeping bag on the floor of the child's room, thus putting distance, a closed door, and ear plugs between myself and any crying. Also, the fish tank provides white noise.

10pm Child is screaming for husband as he tries to soothe her. Somehow I manage to sleep through it.

11pm time to nurse

midnight a new day starts

Things They Don't Tell You In Breastfeeding Class

So I read the books and surfed the web. I took the class and figured I knew what I was getting myself into.

Yeah right.

1. Your Tiny Overlord will not cooperate. Those dolls in the class were passive. Not so the Future Ruler of All Mankind. Those miniature arms are quite strong enough to push away from your breast.

2. In addition to one hand to guide her head and one hand to guide your breast, you need one hand to hold each thrashing arm and a third to open her mouth. You'll notice we're up to 5 hands. Two adults are no match for one Tiny Overlord.

3. Your nipples will be grabbed by those flailing hands and used as pull handles.

4. If you push on the back of a Tiny Overlord's head, you'll trigger a reflex to pull the head back, off the nipple.

5. They know what it means when you insert a finger to break the suction. They don't want the nipple to go away. The appropriate response seems to be biting.

6. Your Tiny Overlord will NOT follow the lovely schedule they tell you about. Mine will go anywhere from 20 minutes to 5 hours in between feedings. Also, the time between feedings is measured from the BEGINNING of one feeding to the next. So if the T.O. demands your services from 1AM until 2AM, the next feeding will be at 4AM, not 5AM.

7. This is one of the best times to eat, so get some food and a huge glass of water. Tiny Overlords don't seem to mind being covered in crumbs, although obviously eating hot foods is out of the question.

8. Use all of the different positions. Otherwise one area of your nipple will take all the abuse. And yes, nipples can bruise.

9. The first week or so SUCKS. It gets better, really. At least, it did for me.

10. It's fairly normal for breasts to leak a little bloody fluid when your milk comes in. No need to panic. Although, if you doubted that the Tiny Overlord was vampiric, the sight of your bood on her mouth will confirm it.

11. My Tiny Overlord was ready for milk days before it came in. You don't make nearly as much colostrum (1 oz of colostrum that I was able to pump as compared to 3 oz of milk). The choices seem to be to constantly nurse a ticked off Tiny Overlord or to supplement with formula. I chose to supplement and my Tiny Overlord was appeased.

Is it still worth it? I think so. Once we came to a truce, and I figured out how to do my part, it really is rewarding. Having supplemented with formula for the first few days, I can tell you that breastfeeding is a lot more convenient. It's definitely cheaper, and you won't run out in the middle of the night.

I do enjoy 'our' time. It's rewarding and empowering. It's a bond like no other. It forces you to slow down and concentrate on her. It's a good time to read, or blog.

The Once and Future Mom

From June 29, 2009

I'm in the final days of my first trimester and it's finally sinking in that I'm pregnant. I still have moments of disbelief, but for the most part it's a wonderful spark of happiness in the back of my mind.

I spent most of my first trimester looking for information and finding scare tactics instead. Seriously, why is EVERYONE on the web, in the books and on tv focusing on every single horrible thing that can wrong? Let's face it, humans have been getting pregnant and giving birth for a million years. Nature has thing well figured out for the most part. No, I'm not ignoring the fact that things can and do go wrong. But I also don't need to spend every moment of this wonderful time scared out of my mind.

I've stopped reading most internet sites, except for a few blogs. Normal, everyday mom troubles are good to read about. I only have one book, the Joy of Pregnancy, which I think takes a really reasonable approach. It focuses on the good stuff while acknowledging problems that can arise.

The Tiny Overlord

For the past three weeks, people have been telling me "Enjoy this stage; they're newborns for such a short time." Privately, I've thought they were all insane. Enjoy no sleep? Enjoy crying all the time? Enjoy feeling overwhelmed, lost, scared, frustrated, isolated and trapped by this little leech that sucked nourishment from my body every 30 minutes at times, but wouldn't give me time to eat?

Okay, it wasn't that bad all the time. I loved her more than I didn't. But late at night, when hormones and emotions were at their highest, and my emotional strength was at its lowest, I found myself resenting her and regretting our decision. Could I have my old life back, please? And then I felt guilty for having these thoughts. I felt more than guilty - I felt like the most horrible person in the world, which led to more depressed thoughts.

But now I'm finally starting to get it. We've worked out a system where my husband watches her in the evenings so I can get 2 hours of sleep, feed her, then get 2 more hours. I'm starting to learn what she likes and dislikes, and how to soothe her. My hormones are starting to settle down.

I'm starting to enjoy this mom thing, finally. This morning she fell asleep (finally!) in my arms and all I could do was smile and kiss her. I realized it won't be long until she stops doing this, and I need to treasure it while I can. They're newborns for such a short time.