Things They Don't Tell You In Breastfeeding Class

So I read the books and surfed the web. I took the class and figured I knew what I was getting myself into.

Yeah right.

1. Your Tiny Overlord will not cooperate. Those dolls in the class were passive. Not so the Future Ruler of All Mankind. Those miniature arms are quite strong enough to push away from your breast.

2. In addition to one hand to guide her head and one hand to guide your breast, you need one hand to hold each thrashing arm and a third to open her mouth. You'll notice we're up to 5 hands. Two adults are no match for one Tiny Overlord.

3. Your nipples will be grabbed by those flailing hands and used as pull handles.

4. If you push on the back of a Tiny Overlord's head, you'll trigger a reflex to pull the head back, off the nipple.

5. They know what it means when you insert a finger to break the suction. They don't want the nipple to go away. The appropriate response seems to be biting.

6. Your Tiny Overlord will NOT follow the lovely schedule they tell you about. Mine will go anywhere from 20 minutes to 5 hours in between feedings. Also, the time between feedings is measured from the BEGINNING of one feeding to the next. So if the T.O. demands your services from 1AM until 2AM, the next feeding will be at 4AM, not 5AM.

7. This is one of the best times to eat, so get some food and a huge glass of water. Tiny Overlords don't seem to mind being covered in crumbs, although obviously eating hot foods is out of the question.

8. Use all of the different positions. Otherwise one area of your nipple will take all the abuse. And yes, nipples can bruise.

9. The first week or so SUCKS. It gets better, really. At least, it did for me.

10. It's fairly normal for breasts to leak a little bloody fluid when your milk comes in. No need to panic. Although, if you doubted that the Tiny Overlord was vampiric, the sight of your bood on her mouth will confirm it.

11. My Tiny Overlord was ready for milk days before it came in. You don't make nearly as much colostrum (1 oz of colostrum that I was able to pump as compared to 3 oz of milk). The choices seem to be to constantly nurse a ticked off Tiny Overlord or to supplement with formula. I chose to supplement and my Tiny Overlord was appeased.

Is it still worth it? I think so. Once we came to a truce, and I figured out how to do my part, it really is rewarding. Having supplemented with formula for the first few days, I can tell you that breastfeeding is a lot more convenient. It's definitely cheaper, and you won't run out in the middle of the night.

I do enjoy 'our' time. It's rewarding and empowering. It's a bond like no other. It forces you to slow down and concentrate on her. It's a good time to read, or blog.