Smile!

Nothing to say. This picture says it all. THIS is what makes all of it worthwhile.

Crying

I'm slowly learning the difference between real crying and what I call "fussing." Real crying tells me of a need - hunger, a diaper in need of a change, reassurance and contact with Mom. Fussing isn't a need. Fussing happens when she is tired, or cranky. If she's fussing and I put her in her swing with some music and white noise, she will go to sleep within 15 minutes. Generally. If she's cranky, I can usually distract her and get her smiling again.

Learning the difference is the hard part. I don't want to ignore her needs, but I also don't want to feed her every time she cries, for example. It sets a bad example (eat to solve your problems) and it doesn't fix the real problem. I also need the practice in saying "No" to my strong willed child.

I don't want to let her "just cry." If she's crying, I need to solve the problem. If she's fussing however, that I can live with for a bit.

I think she's waking up; the mid day nap may be over for today. This afternoon's adventure is grocery shopping.

Rites of Passage

I've been thinking about those tough early days. One night I was walking around the house carrying her and crying, which was pretty normal for then. I had the tv on for noise, and a show came on about rites of passage around the world.

Rites such as this mark important transitions in a person's life in many cultures around the world. They have a few common elements:

1. Isolation - the person is isolated from society, for varying lengths of time. This gives them time to think about the change in their status and the increased responsibilities that come with it.

2. Pain/bloodshed - in many cultures, some part of the ritual involves enduring pain, whether tattooing, ritual scarring, circumcisions, etc.

3. Special diet - for one reason or another, often a special diet is included, to purify the body, to prepare for the upcoming trials, etc.

4. Special clothing - again, either for practical reasons or to mark the person as being in the transitional stage, the stage in between the old status and the new.

5. Re-introduction - the person is formally welcomed back into society as a member of their new social status.

I realized that night that I was undergoing a rite of passage. The terrible isolation I had been feeling was suddenly a bit easier to handle. The pain of childbirth I had already accepted as a necessary and pivotal part of my new status as Mother. The maternity clothes, the by now hated maternity clothes, that I was still wearing didn't bother me *quite* as much.

And unlike many people, I had a baby shower AFTER the baby arrived. It was the first time all three of us - father, mother and child - had appeared in public as a family group. It was my re-introduction phase.

Our society has largely abandoned rites of passage, and I feel we are poorer for it. Marking important transitional periods in a person's life can have quite an impact, and reinforce their growth as a person. I plan to celebrate certain events in my daughter's life with simple rites, within our own family for some and others, like a Sweet Sixteen with others outside of the family.

And someday, maybe I'll help her through the transition from Woman to Mother.

3 Months

I can't believe it's been 3 months already! Things have changed so much since the early days.

She's starting to develop a schedule. It's not concrete yet, but it will happen. She's gone from being awake at all hours to sleeping reliably from 8pm-ish to 8am-ish. Not straight through, of course. The longest she usually sleeps is 3 hours. But now that she's sleeping in the bed next to me, instead of on my chest as I'm propped up on the couch, I'm getting more and better sleep.

She holds on to me when she's nursing, and she looks at me, too. Actually she looks at me all the time, and smiles at me while I'm looking back. It's an incredibly cute, shy smile that turns into a grin.

She's turning into a person, her own separate little person, with likes and dislikes and wants, not just needs. She's going to be a very strong willed person, so we're going to have our work cut out for us, in keeping her on the Light side of the Force.

She's learning that there is a world outside of her own body. She loves to be outside, looking at the trees and birds. She's distinguishing between people, and she's not as happy at being with strangers. Although she seems to get along well with her caregiver, which makes me feel better. I am dreading April 12.

There were definitely days when I couldn't even imagine making it to this point. I definitely like 3 months better than the first few weeks. She used to be a chysalis, but now the butterfly is emerging. I'm looking forward to getting to know more of her as a person.

To all the mothers with a dirty home

I found this online:

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

- Ruth Hulbert Hamilton

Baby Sling Recall

Yes, I know about the recall. No this is NOT the type of sling that I use - I use a Maya Wrap ring sling, and when that's being washed, a Baby Bjorn carrier that we received as a baby shower gift. I do know how to use my sling safely. The Tiny Overlord INSISTS on being able to see everything that's going on around her, so I've never used the position that has caused the problems. Here are the positions I carry her in:





So as you can see, both of the carry positions I use are VASTLY different than the problematic carry position. The way I carry Summer isn't even possible in the sling that's being recalled.

My heart truly, truly goes out to the families that have had problems with the other slings. I've cried about it a lot over the past few days.

So please, don't send me links, notices, articles, etc. I use a different type of sling, I use it safely, I use it differently and I really, really don't need to cry any more over this. I appreciate people trying to spread the word; it definitely needs to be done. But not all slings are dangerous, just as not all strollers are dangerous, even though there are approx. 10,000 stroller related injuries every year.

If you DO know someone who is using the Infantino or Wendy Bellisimo slings, please let them know about the recall.

Bad Night

Yesterday the Adorable Aristocrat and I had a good day. She slept late for her mid day nap, so we missed an appointment with her caregiver, but other than that, things went very well. When Minion #2 (Daddy) arrived home, all of us went for a walk in the nice weather (spring is finally arriving!). When we got home, Her Adorableness got a little cranky, so Minion #2 made dinner while I attended to the Aristocrat's needs. We minions ate in shifts, as we often do.

This was not enough to please Her Aristocracy. We minions moved on to not just holding her, but walking with her, then bouncing, carrying her in her sling and trying a pacifier. None of it worked. She even refused to nurse, which is VERY unusual for her.

It's VERY early for her to be teething, but she's showing many of the signs so we gave her a teething ring to chew on. This satisfied her for a short while and then this too was rejected. She disapproved of the sling, as well. Chewing on our fingers was acceptable for a short period of time. I finally gave her some infant Tylenol, hoping to help ease some of the pain that I thought she might be feeling.

After two and a half hours, we gave her a bath, as it was the only thing we hadn't tried and she likes her baths. She was fine as soon as she realized that we were preparing her bath, and she enjoyed herself during it, but once it was over, the crying resumed. After another half hour, which brought us up to three hours total, I took her temperature. It was 100.4, which was exactly the temperature at which the doctors want to be called for infants 3 months and under.

A nurse and I talked for a while, trying to figure out what was wrong. She asked if I had eaten Chinese food recently, and I had - Tuesday's dinner. The nurse said the MSG can really upset the tummies of babies with acid reflux and to give her Mylanta. I'm not certain if our take out uses MSG but we went with the Mylanta just in case. It took two tries to convince the Adorable Aristocrat that yes, she really should swallow this yucky liquid, but it seemed to help a bit.

She finally fell asleep in my arms, with me bouncing her and both of her minions making her favorite white noise, a gentle Shhhhhh sound. By this time it was midnight. Minion #2, who had to work today, was sent off to bed after he arranged some pillows so I could sleep propped up, holding the Tiny Overlord in my arms.

She woke up at 2am and fussed for a short while, but then she nursed and seemed to feel better. She feel back asleep in my arms until 4:30. She nursed again and this time I was able to put her into her swing so I could get some more water and use the restroom. She slept in the swing until 6am, when I took her back on the couch for more nursing. Minion #2 gave us both a kiss on his way to work at 8am, but she slept through it. She and I slept on the couch until 10am.

So far today she's nursed normally and woke up with smiles and was a happy baby from 10 until 11:30 when she got tired. I put her in her swing when she was still awake and she fell asleep. So far she's been asleep for 3 hours. I figure if she still has a touch of whatever was bothering her last night, it's best for her to sleep it off. She also tends to sleep a lot on rainy days. She's dreaming and moving her arms around and being her usual noisy self while she's sleeping. This is completely normal for her so I'm encouraged, and hoping that she's feeling better and will be back to normal.

But only time will tell what tonight will hold for us.

A Morning In Our House

Woken up by cat puking. Several times. As he scratches at the carpet to attempt to bury it, he wakes up the Cranky Czarina. After a brief period of sleepy crankiness, she gifts us with smiles and begins her morning routine, some of which I capture on the video.

A kiss and a hug for Minion #2 (Daddy), who has to go to work, and then it's upstairs for us. A change of diaper and a new outfit for the day, complete with matching bib and socks. Then a few moments of contemplation while Minion #1 (Mommy) washes her hands. 5 minutes of Tummy Time and 5 more minutes on her throne to exercise the Charming Czarina's neck muscles.




Downstairs now, as Minion #1 microwaves some oatmeal she made the day before. As the oatmeal is warming, Minion #1 has time to load a few dishes in the dishwasher (she loaded most of them at 4am when she got up for water) and wash the Overlord Sustenance Supplies (bottles and pump parts). All the while, the Czarina supervises from her secondary throne, the bouncy chair.

At this point, the Czarina has had QUITE enough of waiting, thank you, and so it's off to the Milk Procurement Area, a.k.a. my rocking chair. As the Czarina enjoys her first breakfast of the morning, Minion #1 pumps more milk. When she finishes, the Czarina graciously allows Minion #1 to eat her oatmeal while the Czarina continues to snack. Afterwards, the Czarina settles down for a short nap in her preferred location, Minion #1's lap. This gives the minion a chance to update the blog for all of the Czarina's adoring fans.

Follow Up to Sleep Training

She's been asleep in my lap on the boppy while I've been blogging today. She just had one of her nightmares. I rubbed her head and talked to her. If she had been in the other room in her bassinet, she'd be screaming by now and I'd have my work cut out for me to calm her down. Instead, she opened her eyes, looked at me, and went back to sleep.

Sleep Training

(my new favorite picture; this is her dragon outfit)

Where do I even begin on this? I know getting her on a schedule is important. I also believe, however, that scheduling her feedings is NOT the way to go. She should eat when her tiny little belly is hungry. Who am I to tell a three month old baby "No, you're not hungry yet." So she's setting her own feeding schedule.

She has a rough sleeping schedule that I'm trying to reinforce. A mid morning nap, a long midday nap, and a mid afternoon nap, then a bath around 7:30 and in bed by 8pm. Some days it works better than others. If she doesn't get her naps, she's so tired by night time that she can't sleep, and we're in for trouble.

Everyone says to put her to bed when she's drowsy but not sleeping. Those are so close together that it's hard to do. And if I err too much on the side of "awake" then she starts crying, if I'm lucky, and screaming if I'm not. At which point she's woken herself up and the whole process starts all over again, only it takes longer this time.

Then at nighttime comes the big question - in her bassinet or in the bed with us? If she's in the bassinet I can sleep in any position I want to, and I don't have to have a part of my mind focused on her while I sleep. If she's with me in the bed, I instantly know if she's too hot or too cold. She sleeps much more camly and more deeply, and she rarely has her nightmares. If she does, I can calm her down almost instantly.

Because of all that, she generally sleeps with me. It feels right. It's harder right now, because of her reflux, so I put her on a wedge shaped pillow and use my arms like a corral to keep her on it. It's not all that comfortable, but at least I get some sleep. When she's in her bassinet, she kicks and thrashes and makes noises that keep me up for hours.

So when will she spend all night in her bassinet, much less her crib? I have no idea. She's a strong willed, independent one, so I suspect she's going to make up her mind about it one day and that will be that. But really, I'm just trying to figure it all out myself.

Trying Something New

This is just a short video of her on my lap.

11 Weeks

The Bitty Banshee is napping on my lap right now, which gives me a chance to write an update.

She's developing new and interesting cries, one of which is an ear splitting shriek, thus the new name.

She's outgrown most of the 0-3 month clothes and is now wearing the 3-6 month clothes. The onesies in this size are already almost too small.

Her hand-eye coordination is getting better. She can pretty reliably grab things and bring them to her mouth. Which means many, many more things are now covered in baby drool.

Which brings up the next thing - drool. Oh, the drooling. I now understand why we got so many bibs. But the bubbles she blows in it are cute!

She got some baby acne last week but it seems to be clearing up a bit.

Her night time sleep schedule is still wildly erratic. Sunday night she slept for 7 hours straight. The next night she didn't get to sleep until 2am, and woke up every 2 hours.

Ever since the possible diagnosis of acid reflux, she's been sleeping in her swing. It keeps her propped up so I can put her down to sleep right after eating. Otherwise I have to hold her for 45 minutes, which effectively means I get no sleep. The downside of this is that I'm back to sleeping on the couch. Someday I'll get to sleep in my bed again.

She continues to babble. She seems to concentrate on a particular sound each day. They're getting more complicated, too. At first, it might be a vowel sound. She'd say things like "ay, gay, bay, ray". Today, it's been "ree". She's said "bree, gree, aree, mree".

Tummy time is going well. I'm increasing the period of time from 5 minutes to 7 or 8 minutes at a time. She starts out with tummy time, and if she gets frustrated and starts crying, we finish with her looking at her fish. That keeps her entertained, so she doesn't mind it as much.

She's very interested in movement. Today during tummy time I was lying in front of her, and I realized she was watching my feet, that I was slowly kicking back and forth.

Because of this, she'll watch tv if we let her, so I'm careful to limit the amount of time the tv is on when she's awake. Sometimes when I'm walking her around the house late at night, I will turn old black and white movies. They have less violence and better dialogue, so at least she's being exposed to a greater vocabulary. And it gives me something to focus on so I don't fall asleep on my feet.

She's getting better at holding her head up because of all of this. When she's on my shoulder, for burping for example, she'll look all around the room.

She can push herself up onto her forearms and hold her chest off the ground for a few minutes at a time.

Once she has her forearms under her, she can roll from her tummy to her back.

She's learning to recognize objects. She doesn't like to be put down and I can see her gearing up to pitch a fit, but when she sees me putting on the baby sling, she gets happy and smiles until I put her in it. She also REALLY knows where her milk comes from. We'll catch her staring at my breasts and so we know she's hungry.

She likes looking at pictures of people. I have two boxes that have people with babies as part of the marketing on the box, and she loves looking at them. Sometimes she'll even talk to them.

She is enthralled with mirrors and will stare at herself for a while. Sometimes that helps her to get out of a grump.

She recognizes us. Last month, she'd let anyone hold her and be happy with it. Now when someone else holds her, she'll start to cry until I take her back.

Respecting Our Mothers

The more I do, the more I respect my mother, and all mothers of her generation. This stuff is HARD. The sleep deprivation alone makes everything at least twice as hard. Then there's the emotional/hormonal roller coaster that sometimes makes even the smallest thing seem as difficult as climbing Mt. Everest, and of course the sleep deprivation makes that even worse.

I'm not the world's best housekeeper, but I generally do my best to keep a clean house. That of course is impossible, so my bathrooms are disgusting and the floors are covered in dirt and cat hair. Dirty dishes pile up, but I do insist on cleaning the kitchen as much as possible. I've got about a 15 minute window of grace in the mornings when she's quiet and alert. If I'm quick, I can make breakfast (instant oatmeal, most of the time) and unload then load the dishwasher.

But I have resources my mother didn't. I had classes to give me some preparation. I have the internet to find information, and forums where I can talk to experienced moms all over the country. And I still feel under-informed, inadequate, and overwhelmed. Walking into this situation with even less information had to be terrifying. And yet they did it.

I look back at my childhood and I finally have the smallest idea of everything my mother did for me. And my respect continues to grow. Thank you for everything, to every mom out there.

Almost Over

My maternity leave is coming to an end soon. 4 more weeks, and then I have to give up my time with her.

Physically, I wonder how I'm going to do everything that needs to be done. Mornings can be hectic enough, but now I have to factor in at least one nursing session, and pump while I'm at it. At least one diaper change, and her dressed for the day, with a spare outfit or two. On Mondays I'll need to pack clean diapers for the week. Steve will be taking her Miniscule Majesty to childcare, so I don't have to worry about that drive, at least.

Once I get to work, I have to figure out when and where to pump at least three times a day. I suspect I'll have to use my classroom before and after school, and during my planning. This means washing my hands and storing the milk somewhere else. I'll have to block the window in the door and lock it, but a lot of people have master keys. And there are the constant meetings, professional learning, tutoring students, morning and afternoon duties, etc. I'll just have to do the best I can.

Then there's sleep. Right now, I can usually sleep until 8am, and nap for at least an hour during the day. That makes waking up every 2 hours doable. But when I have to wake up at 5:30, I'm afraid I'm going to be severely sleep deprived, and I still can't drink caffeine yet.

The REAL worry, of course, is having to leave Summer. I've met the person who is going to be taking care of my Petite Princess and I like her. She's an experienced mom and child care provider. But no matter how wonderful she is, she can't give my little one the same amount of attention as I can. Will Summer like her? How well will she adjust? Will she cry? She's so used to nursing herself to sleep and napping on my lap, in my arms.

I'm going to be a wreck.

Irish Lullaby

Isn't this beautiful? Someday when I have time **chuckle** I want to burn a CD of lullabies. This will definitely be included.

Dream

Sleep, sleep, go to sleep
Go to sleep my baby
Sweet, dreams,
beautiful scenes
Close your eyes and sleep
Close your eyes and sleep

Stay calm
all through the night
Stay calm my baby
Dream your dreams,
all's what it seems
When you're fast asleep
Close your eyes and sleep

For within the world of rest
Lies the land of dreams
All who journey to her shores
Must play out their schemes,
and dream

Go to sleep my little one
go to sleep my baby
And when rest has
embraced your soul
Then you'll be free...to dream

Dream, dream, dream...
Go to sleep and dream
Go to sleep and dream

Milestones

Summer can already do most of the third month milestones, so she's right on track. She doesn't chuckle yet, but she's working on it - you can hear little "proto-laughs". In the picture, she's watching the fish in her aquarium. She loves watching them swim, so I hold her up in front of them so she can practice holding her head up.


Timeline of Childhood Milestones
First Month(0-1 month old):

* Can lift head momentarily
* Turns head from side to side when lying on back
* Hands stay clenched
* Strong grasp reflex present
* Looks and follows object moving in front of them in range of 45 degrees
* Sees black and white patterns
* Quiets when a voice is heard
* Cries to express displeasure
* Makes throaty sounds
* Looks intently at parents when they talk to him/her

2 Months (1-2 months old)
* Lifts head almost 45 degrees when lying on stomach
* Head bobs forward when held in sitting position
* Grasp reflex decreases
* Follows dangling objects with eyes
* Visually searches for sounds
* Makes noises other than crying
* Cries become distinctive (wet, hungry, etc.)
* Vocalizes to familiar voices
* Social smile demonstrated in response to various stimuli

3 Months (2-3 months old)
* Begins to bear partial weight on both legs when held in a standing position
* Able to hold head up when sitting but still bobs forward
* When lying on stomach can raise head and shoulders between 45 and 90 degrees
* Bears weight on forearms
* Grasp reflex absent
* Holds objects but does not reach for them
* Clutches own hands and pulls at blankets and clothes
* Follows objects 180 degrees
* Locates sound by turning head and looking in the same direction
* Squeals, coos, babbles, and chuckles
* "Talks" when spoken to
* Recognizes faces, voices, and objects
* Smiles when he/she sees familiar people, and engages in play with them
* Shows awareness to strange situations

Need more time, 3 more hands, and a personal assistant

She's wearing a cute outfit with a baby dragon on it (not the one in the picture; I'll try to get a pic of her dragon outfit to post), so today's title is the Diminutive Dragonet. And I'm afraid she's breathing fire, the poor thing. Yesterday she kept acting as if she had swallowed and it went down the wrong pipe, and we all know how much that hurts. I called her new pediatrician (who I like MUCH better than the old ones)and spoke to a nurse. The nurse, the doctor and I all suspect the Dragonet has acid reflux.

We're trying to avoid medicines unless absolutely necessary, so for now I'm to give her a few feedings each day from a bottle with a teaspoon of rice cereal mixed in to thicken it. The hope is that the thickened milk will stay down better. Also, I'm to prop her up as much as possible during all feedings and keep her propped up for at least 45 minutes after she's finished. We'll try this for a week or two.

Obviously, since she needs it, I'll do it for her happily. But I'm trying to figure out how to balance feeding and holding her while pumping. She hasn't been napping well lately, and when she's awake she wants my attention (pretty reasonably). So I have no idea how to juggle all of this. I pumped this morning while she drank from a bottle but I only got 2 ounces. I need 4 ounces for one bottle.

Also, this means I'll get a lot less sleep at night. I do my best to get her in bed by 8pm. She usually wakes up at least 3 times and sometimes as much as 6 times until 8am. If she wakes up every 2 hours, as she has been, then I'll be feeding her for 20 minutes, burping for 5-10, and propping her up for 45 minutes. This leaves me 50 minutes to get back in bed and then try to get some sleep myself. Which means when she's napping, when I could be pumping, I'll need to sleep. Unless, like now, she falls asleep in my lap, in which case both napping and pumping are difficult.

Not complaining, just trying to deal with figuring out how to do all of this. Oh, and need to fit meals in there too. I'm running out of frozen meals, and I'll have even less time to cook more, and my friend who comes over and cooks for me hasn't been able to make it these past 2 weeks. Aargh. I have no idea how I'm going to do all of it. But it's amazing what you can do when you have no choice.

Back from Doctor's Appointment

The Tiny Overlord is not so tiny. 11 pounds, 14 ounces - only 2 ounces away from from 12 pounds. That puts her in the 95th percentile for weight. I think we can rest assured that she's getting enough milk!

She's meeting all of her age milestones and is ahead in a few of them.

New Pictures

I've changed some of the pictures, and added pictures to older posts, so take a look around.

Two Months

Both pictures were taken in the same chair. The second one isn't the best picture of the Mini Monarch, but it shows how much she's grown.


Her Wee Worshipfulness turned 2 months old yesterday. Winter continues here; I'm watching it snow right now. This has been a very long, cold winter, and unfortunately the Contessa of Cuteness hates being cold. I dress her warmly, bundle her blankets when necessary, and snuggle at every opportunity.

She continues to grow at an astonishing rate.

She's outgrown more clothes, including the snowman outfit she came home from the hospital in.

I had to take out the newborn inserts in her car seat and her safari bouncy chair.

Her hair looks like it might be getting a wave, like her father's.

Today she's reached out and grabbed little toys, twice.

She reaches out and touches things, and moves them.

She's trying to crawl, although she's not strong enough to lift herself up.

She loves watching her fish when I hold her in front of her aquarium.