Rites of Passage

I've been thinking about those tough early days. One night I was walking around the house carrying her and crying, which was pretty normal for then. I had the tv on for noise, and a show came on about rites of passage around the world.

Rites such as this mark important transitions in a person's life in many cultures around the world. They have a few common elements:

1. Isolation - the person is isolated from society, for varying lengths of time. This gives them time to think about the change in their status and the increased responsibilities that come with it.

2. Pain/bloodshed - in many cultures, some part of the ritual involves enduring pain, whether tattooing, ritual scarring, circumcisions, etc.

3. Special diet - for one reason or another, often a special diet is included, to purify the body, to prepare for the upcoming trials, etc.

4. Special clothing - again, either for practical reasons or to mark the person as being in the transitional stage, the stage in between the old status and the new.

5. Re-introduction - the person is formally welcomed back into society as a member of their new social status.

I realized that night that I was undergoing a rite of passage. The terrible isolation I had been feeling was suddenly a bit easier to handle. The pain of childbirth I had already accepted as a necessary and pivotal part of my new status as Mother. The maternity clothes, the by now hated maternity clothes, that I was still wearing didn't bother me *quite* as much.

And unlike many people, I had a baby shower AFTER the baby arrived. It was the first time all three of us - father, mother and child - had appeared in public as a family group. It was my re-introduction phase.

Our society has largely abandoned rites of passage, and I feel we are poorer for it. Marking important transitional periods in a person's life can have quite an impact, and reinforce their growth as a person. I plan to celebrate certain events in my daughter's life with simple rites, within our own family for some and others, like a Sweet Sixteen with others outside of the family.

And someday, maybe I'll help her through the transition from Woman to Mother.