For the past three weeks, people have been telling me "Enjoy this stage; they're newborns for such a short time." Privately, I've thought they were all insane. Enjoy no sleep? Enjoy crying all the time? Enjoy feeling overwhelmed, lost, scared, frustrated, isolated and trapped by this little leech that sucked nourishment from my body every 30 minutes at times, but wouldn't give me time to eat?
Okay, it wasn't that bad all the time. I loved her more than I didn't. But late at night, when hormones and emotions were at their highest, and my emotional strength was at its lowest, I found myself resenting her and regretting our decision. Could I have my old life back, please? And then I felt guilty for having these thoughts. I felt more than guilty - I felt like the most horrible person in the world, which led to more depressed thoughts.
But now I'm finally starting to get it. We've worked out a system where my husband watches her in the evenings so I can get 2 hours of sleep, feed her, then get 2 more hours. I'm starting to learn what she likes and dislikes, and how to soothe her. My hormones are starting to settle down.
I'm starting to enjoy this mom thing, finally. This morning she fell asleep (finally!) in my arms and all I could do was smile and kiss her. I realized it won't be long until she stops doing this, and I need to treasure it while I can. They're newborns for such a short time.
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