Two Weeks of Hell

I did everything I could think of to prepare for having a child. But nothing prepared me for those first two weeks. Here's what little wisdom I was able to learn from them.

1. No matter what you do, the child will cry and you will not be able to soothe her. This is not your fault and you are not a bad parent.

2. The child is incredibly demanding (see the title of this blog!). You will not be able to meet every need, every single time. You are not a bad parent.

3. You will not be able to figure out her needs at times, no matter what you do. You are not a bad parent.

4. Breastfeeding hurts at first, especially with an inexperienced first time mom. There will be times when you don't think you will be able to get through the pain. You are not a bad parent.

5. If you choose to use formula, either for supplementation as I do or full time, it's OKAY. Millions of us were raised on formula. I turned out fine as did most of the rest of us. Whatever is best for you and your baby is the best thing. Breastfeeding is wonderful, but having a mommy who isn't stressed, crying and/or in pain is even better. You are not a bad parent.

6. There WILL be times when you find yourself resenting and disliking your child. You love her, you just don't LIKE her at that particular time. This is totally normal, especially for first time parents. This little person is depriving you of sleep, food, time with your spouse, and in short everything that makes life enjoyable. Resentment is a pretty reasonable reaction. You are not a bad parent. Trust me, it gets better and it all becomes worthwhile the first time she smiles at you.

7. You will accidentally let her flop over onto her face, or bump a foot as you carry her through a doorway, or something. You are not a bad parent. Obviously we all try to never ever let these happen, but we aren't perfect. Babies are tougher than you think.

8. You will get upset and yell or walk away, and later discover that the child was hungry, or not feeling well, etc. You are not a bad parent. You are new to this and you are still figuring things out. You will make mistakes. As long as you learn from them, you are doing the best that you can. You are not perfect.

9. You will probably need to walk away at some point. You are not a bad parent. Put the baby in her crib, bassinet, etc - anywhere safe, and walk away. I don't believe in letting them cry it out, but there are times when you really have no alternative. For your sanity, and for the safety of the child, you will need to walk away and let her cry. Take five minutes to do some deep breathing and probably some crying yourself. You'll be better for it.

10. If you thought your emotions ran high during pregnancy, it's nothing compared to the emotions of the first two weeks. Remind yourself that your hormones are changing more rapidly now than any other time, and that you are highly stressed. Find someone to talk to - friends, groups online, a helpline, any one. But talk to someone. Frequently. If anyone becomes negative or makes you feel worse, avoid them for now and search for others. This will pass, I promise you.

11. Remember that you will be recovering physically from delivery. As much as possibly, rely on others during this time. Take people up on their offers to help. Let the housework slide. Your job is to recover and take care of the baby. That's it. Order take out for dinner. Buy groceries that you can just boil or microwave. Have meals pre-cooked and frozen so you can just pop them in the microwave.

Above all else, remind yourself of these facts
You aren't perfect, so don't hold yourself to that standard.
This will pass.
It will get better.
Yes, it will be worth it.
You are not a bad parent.